Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
