Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
