The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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