Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
