i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
