I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
