thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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