Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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