I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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