dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My vagina is officially offended.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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