wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
