well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
