I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
