The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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