K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
false alarm. still invincible.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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