Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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