the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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