I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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