You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
