Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
