in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
