Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just come out here and I will go home with you...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
