Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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