my phone needs a breathalizer
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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