is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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