sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
