Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
