I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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