a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
