i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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