You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
