Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
