Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
