if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
