This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
