Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
