OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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