she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
