Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
