I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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