i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
