I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have fence marks all over my body
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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