But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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