well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
