is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
