Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm too high and old for this...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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