Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
