He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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