She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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