Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
