Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
