I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
