last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
